A controversial topic like this deserves a bold disclaimer:
Everyone should do what works for them. This is not a critique against working moms/dads, nor is it a praise of stay-at-home moms/dads. It is just a new optic to view the decision through. Equally important, viewing the roles and responsibilities apart from passion and love which inspires them, does the work done a great disservice. Please keep this in mind when reading.
10 years ago Brandi and I were married. Several years later we decided to have children and were forced to decide whether Brandi would return to work or we would have to do without her income. A lot of things weighed into that decision and ultimately we decided to have children and do without her income. Ultimately, we decided to in-source those roles and responsibilities for the sake of control and quality.
Fast-forward to present day. My family is in CA for their annual trip to visit friends and family. I am alone in MS. As I take on her weekly ritual, I am not only humbled by the quantity of work that she does on a given week, but how easily she makes it look. Finding time to fit an ATM visit (of which there are two in the Memphis Metro Area), grocery shopping, laundry, feeding the dog, etc.. into my schedule is not only difficult, but it also makes me appreciate the things I take for granted. …and she has the kids. Figuring out the order of operations which makes these things flow smoothly, is a chore of it’s own.
If you remember from a previous post, Genchi-Genbutsu is the Japanese phrase which loosely translates to “go and see.” Today in MS, here I am –and– here I see. However, this time, I am seeing something new. Focus. My wife has been able to concentrate her whole being towards perfecting her craft of being a mother, wife and managing the home. One might say that her work life balance is: 100% Work — 100% Life. Which also flips that principle on it’s head (but that’s another post).
Not only has this lifestyle choice given her incredible focus, it has also allowed me to have incredible focus. Focus on the things I do outside of the home. While we have decided to in-source her roles and responsibilities. These items, from my person, have been out-sourced — into very capable hands. Humor me for one moment – Think of the home as a department of the business of life. The person overseeing this department is the director.
In our lives, the person directing the home department is just as valuable as the person over-seeing the income department. They are the yin and yang of life. Both must be accomplished and one could not exists without the other. Single people don’t get a choice — they must do both. As a couple we could decide to share the income department, but then we would either have to share the home department or out-source it.
What works for your family?